Sometimes, my blondness just comes out…it’s inevitable. I had no clue until this afternoon that there is a hurricane coming toward Texas and Mexico that is expected to hit in the next couple of days. It suddenly donned on me that that was probably why my neighbor was talking about evacuating on her facebook page. Duh, right? Our team started to talk about it, and I did a little research on my computer, and the storm is expected to make landfall way south of us, so why are people evacuating? Why are there signs on the highway telling people to fill up their gas tanks? I think I this is a testament to the fact that it is in our nature as humans to worry. Often times we have the tendency to automatically assume the worst. Thomas Williamson then proceeded to go on one of his crazy rants saying stuff like, “See Caroline, this is why you shouldn’t worry because even though you got into A&M, you could die from this hurricane, so it doesn’t mean anything anyway!!”…or something like that.
As some of you may or may not know, I was a student at Baylor University last year, but due to a variety of reasons, I had to make the decision to transfer. I knew instantly where I wanted to go, so I applied to Texas A&M in the middle of my spring semester. There were a number of problems that went along with this. 1) I had already signed a lease on an apartment for the following school year in Waco, 2) I may not have enough transferrable hours to qualify to transfer to A&M, and 3) The competitiveness in applying to the A&M Business School was astronomical. I knew my chances of being admitted weren’t great, so I decided that if I didn’t get in right away, I would go to Blinn College in Bryan until I had enough credits. However, there was still the problem of the apartment. The only way to be released from my lease was to find a subleaser to take it over. I did everything I could…put up fliers, advertised on facebook, and a Baylor real estate website, and I got a few responses, but they all fell through. I’m not too proud to admit that I went through a serious crisis in my faith during this time. My parents kept telling me that it would all work out, and God was in control, but I could not bring myself to trust Him. I broke down into tears almost every day, and had this perpetual feeling of anxiousness. The last week of school came, and I still hadn’t found someone, when one day my roommate for the following year texted me telling me that she had found someone, and they wanted to go sign the lease right away. I couldn’t believe it. It was like this enormous weight had just been lifted off of my shoulders. So now that that was taken care of, all I had to do was wait for my admission decision from A&M. Like I said before, I knew my chances weren’t great, so I kept telling myself, and others that I probably wasn’t going to get in, so Blinn was ok. I just didn’t want to get my hopes up, or set myself up for disappointment, completely ignoring the fact that God was in control, and that nothing was impossible for Him. Lo and behold, I log onto my A&M account this morning…all I saw was “Congratulations!”, and that was enough for me to jump out of bed, run downstairs, tell my mom, hug her, and start crying. NOTHING was impossible for God because only He and I know that this didn’t happen because of anything I could have done. It was enough for me to realize that He has a plan for me, and I had no reason to doubt Him.
I’ve always said that Matthew 6:25-34 is one of my favorite passages of Scripture. It talks about not worrying because ultimately, God is in control, and like the lilies of the field, he will not let us be without. The Bible says, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you”. There it is…in black and white. Why do we worry? Why do we doubt? If Hurricane Alex hit Houston at a category 5, and I was to die today or tomorrow…none of that would even matter. I spent too much time and energy worrying about something that was beyond my control, and God provided.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
WHEN WE ARRIVE AT ETERNITY'S SHORE
I have really been convicted by this thought lately, and I think Francis Chan sums it up really well in his book, "Crazy Love":
"A person who is obsessed thinks about heaven frequently. Obsessed people orient their lives around eternity; they are not only fixed on what is here in front of them."
God has been convicting me about this for months now, and as hard as I may try to ignore it, it keeps jumping to the forefront of my mind. In our culture, we are constantly consumed with the desire for the "American dream". Most of us want that six figure income, 2 story house in the suburbs, nice cars, attractive spouse, 2 1/2 kids. I can't lie to myself and say that this desire doesn't well up inside me constantly, but in my heart I know that God is calling me to something else, something greater.
I find myself thinking about life on earth way too much. "Will I be able to find a job after college?", "Will I be financially secure in my adult life?", "Will I find a man who loves me unconditionally and get married?" Frankly it's exhausting worrying about all of these things constantly. What I have realized, and what I still struggle to find the will to do every day is to channel the time and energy I put in focusing on those things, to fix my eyes on the eternal. What am I doing that glorifies God, and makes a difference in the context of eternity?
When I became a business major, I told myself that it was because when I went into the mission field, I wanted to have training in something that could actually make a difference. However, I had another hidden motive. I wanted to have a degree in a field that could potentially make money once I was out of the mission field. My ultimate goal was to put myself in a position where I could live comfortably when it was all said and done, and I am so ashamed of that. I don't want this to seem like i'm saying that the American dream is a bad thing, but in the scope of my life, I am using it selfishly. A huge part of me thinks that my transferring schools, and most likely switching majors is the Lord's way of humbling me, and saying "now's your chance to get it right." I want so desperately to live my life the way that I was created to. Standing at eternity's shore.
"A person who is obsessed thinks about heaven frequently. Obsessed people orient their lives around eternity; they are not only fixed on what is here in front of them."
God has been convicting me about this for months now, and as hard as I may try to ignore it, it keeps jumping to the forefront of my mind. In our culture, we are constantly consumed with the desire for the "American dream". Most of us want that six figure income, 2 story house in the suburbs, nice cars, attractive spouse, 2 1/2 kids. I can't lie to myself and say that this desire doesn't well up inside me constantly, but in my heart I know that God is calling me to something else, something greater.
I find myself thinking about life on earth way too much. "Will I be able to find a job after college?", "Will I be financially secure in my adult life?", "Will I find a man who loves me unconditionally and get married?" Frankly it's exhausting worrying about all of these things constantly. What I have realized, and what I still struggle to find the will to do every day is to channel the time and energy I put in focusing on those things, to fix my eyes on the eternal. What am I doing that glorifies God, and makes a difference in the context of eternity?
When I became a business major, I told myself that it was because when I went into the mission field, I wanted to have training in something that could actually make a difference. However, I had another hidden motive. I wanted to have a degree in a field that could potentially make money once I was out of the mission field. My ultimate goal was to put myself in a position where I could live comfortably when it was all said and done, and I am so ashamed of that. I don't want this to seem like i'm saying that the American dream is a bad thing, but in the scope of my life, I am using it selfishly. A huge part of me thinks that my transferring schools, and most likely switching majors is the Lord's way of humbling me, and saying "now's your chance to get it right." I want so desperately to live my life the way that I was created to. Standing at eternity's shore.
Friday, June 11, 2010
YOU'RE THE RADIANCE OF ALL OF HIS GLORY
I read in a magazine the other day that 65% of the happiest women in the world are the ones that society considers the most attractive. Now, I don't know how accurate that statistic is, but it struck a chord with me. I'll be the first to admit that I am just like everyone else in that I have insecurities about the way I look, maybe more than a lot of people. I'm not proud of it, but it's the cold, hard truth.
These thoughts, "I wish I were taller/shorter.", "I wish I had a clearer complexion.", "I'd really like to lose 5, 10, 15 pounds.", and so many more can be toxic. They can eat away at our self esteem, and leave us hollow and depressed. It's not surprising to me then that if that percentage of women are considered the "most attractive", then they probably are the happiest. We are our own worst enemies, and as Christian women we need to be particularly careful because speaking from experience, our faith can begin to be compromised as well.
Don't you think more than anything that it's like slapping God in the face when we get down on ourselves about our outward appearances? When we think things like, "That cute boy must not like me because i'm not pretty enough, skinny enough, etc.", and then we try and change ourselves to fit the mold. Now i'm not saying that i'm not guilty of any of these things, but I think God must feel genuinely hurt when we think and act that way. He did create us after all. Knowing that alone should make us feel beautiful.
We were created in HIS image, and when we reflect that, we display the most radiant, magnificent, and rare kind of beauty there is. One of my favorite Bible verses, Psalm 45:11 says,
"The king is ENTHRALLED by your beauty; honor Him for He is your Lord."
The God of the universe is ENTHRALLED by my beauty! How amazing is that!? How can I ever be ashamed knowing that? If I claim Christ...His beauty is mine.
These thoughts, "I wish I were taller/shorter.", "I wish I had a clearer complexion.", "I'd really like to lose 5, 10, 15 pounds.", and so many more can be toxic. They can eat away at our self esteem, and leave us hollow and depressed. It's not surprising to me then that if that percentage of women are considered the "most attractive", then they probably are the happiest. We are our own worst enemies, and as Christian women we need to be particularly careful because speaking from experience, our faith can begin to be compromised as well.
Don't you think more than anything that it's like slapping God in the face when we get down on ourselves about our outward appearances? When we think things like, "That cute boy must not like me because i'm not pretty enough, skinny enough, etc.", and then we try and change ourselves to fit the mold. Now i'm not saying that i'm not guilty of any of these things, but I think God must feel genuinely hurt when we think and act that way. He did create us after all. Knowing that alone should make us feel beautiful.
We were created in HIS image, and when we reflect that, we display the most radiant, magnificent, and rare kind of beauty there is. One of my favorite Bible verses, Psalm 45:11 says,
"The king is ENTHRALLED by your beauty; honor Him for He is your Lord."
The God of the universe is ENTHRALLED by my beauty! How amazing is that!? How can I ever be ashamed knowing that? If I claim Christ...His beauty is mine.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Follow You
This is a blog I wrote for the e5 Student Ministry while in Costa Rica.
Some words that have kind of been reverberating in my head this week are, "I'll follow You into the homes of the broken. I'll follow You into the world. To meet the needs of the poor and the needy God, i'll follow You into the world." These are lyrics taken from the song "Follow You" by the Christian band Leeland off of their most recent album. What sticks out to me most about this excerpt is not the part about the broken, poor, and needy, but that each phrase begins with the words "I'll follow You". It seems to me that acts of service toward the broken, poor, and needy should be a natural byproduct of following God. You cannot separate the two. 1 John 3:16-19 tells us, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."Upon further contemplation of this passage, I have come to understand that our acts of service toward the poor are also one of the greatest ways to show Christ's love. Love in it's purest form requires sacrifice, as we know from what Jesus did for us in making the ultimate sacrifice by dying on the cross.
I personally believe that we can take this a step beyond just material poverty. Physical, spiritual, and emotional poverty can be just as damaging, and can require just as much attention. Not only have the students of West University UMC been serving the broken, poor, and needy this week, but they have been serving each other. I have watched these students pray for each other, offer water to one another on worksites, take dishes and wash them for one another, and so much more. Having just finished my freshman year of college, I have always had the perspective of a student on these international mission trips, and I have found it such an incredible blessing to have the opportunity to now see everything through the eyes of a leader. I truly enjoy watching these students show the love of Christ to others, and also watching them receive it tenfold in ways that they could not have even imagined.
Well, this morning I woke up at 5:00 AM along with 38 others in our group to go whitewater rafting about an hour and a half outside of where we are staying. It seemed to me at the time that the weather may not allow us this great adventure as lightning lit up the sky over and over again, but I resigned to the fact that God was in control, so we got on the bus. By the time we got to the river there wasn't any lightning or thunder, but it was still raining, which surprisingly turned out to be a blessing in disguise. A mission team from Bermuda that had arrived at Charlie's soon after we left was there as well, so we joined forces and drove down to the boats. I'll admit, I was absolutely terrified of what I was about to do, but there was no turning back. We got in our boats and shoved off shore. Now people fell overboard, lost their paddles, and got stuck on rocks, but above everything I was absolutely floored by the creation that surrounded us. I have never seen so much green in my entire life. There were walls of rainforest as far as the eye could see, and waterfalls pouring in from both sides. A couple times during the trip we were able to jump out of the boats and swim, and I would often turn over on my back and just look up. What what I saw was the most incredible exclamation of God's glory I could have ever imagined. I think that kind of beauty is what God must have had in mind even before the creation of the world, and the opportunity to experience that kind of genuine majesty is something that I don't think any of us will ever forget.
We only have one full day left in Costa Rica, and as always on these kinds of trips I'm having mixed emotions about leaving. There's always that fear that the strength I have found in Christ here will slowly disappear as I spend more time away from this environment, but the truth of the matter is that God has changed us through these experiences. He wants to change us, and He died so that we could change, so now it is our job to manifest that change through the way we serve our friends, our families, our community, and even our enemies. Though tomorrow is a free day, I know that our God will continue to work and reveal himself to our team, and we will all return safely home on Tuesday ready to show the world how we have been changed.
Some words that have kind of been reverberating in my head this week are, "I'll follow You into the homes of the broken. I'll follow You into the world. To meet the needs of the poor and the needy God, i'll follow You into the world." These are lyrics taken from the song "Follow You" by the Christian band Leeland off of their most recent album. What sticks out to me most about this excerpt is not the part about the broken, poor, and needy, but that each phrase begins with the words "I'll follow You". It seems to me that acts of service toward the broken, poor, and needy should be a natural byproduct of following God. You cannot separate the two. 1 John 3:16-19 tells us, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."Upon further contemplation of this passage, I have come to understand that our acts of service toward the poor are also one of the greatest ways to show Christ's love. Love in it's purest form requires sacrifice, as we know from what Jesus did for us in making the ultimate sacrifice by dying on the cross.
I personally believe that we can take this a step beyond just material poverty. Physical, spiritual, and emotional poverty can be just as damaging, and can require just as much attention. Not only have the students of West University UMC been serving the broken, poor, and needy this week, but they have been serving each other. I have watched these students pray for each other, offer water to one another on worksites, take dishes and wash them for one another, and so much more. Having just finished my freshman year of college, I have always had the perspective of a student on these international mission trips, and I have found it such an incredible blessing to have the opportunity to now see everything through the eyes of a leader. I truly enjoy watching these students show the love of Christ to others, and also watching them receive it tenfold in ways that they could not have even imagined.
Well, this morning I woke up at 5:00 AM along with 38 others in our group to go whitewater rafting about an hour and a half outside of where we are staying. It seemed to me at the time that the weather may not allow us this great adventure as lightning lit up the sky over and over again, but I resigned to the fact that God was in control, so we got on the bus. By the time we got to the river there wasn't any lightning or thunder, but it was still raining, which surprisingly turned out to be a blessing in disguise. A mission team from Bermuda that had arrived at Charlie's soon after we left was there as well, so we joined forces and drove down to the boats. I'll admit, I was absolutely terrified of what I was about to do, but there was no turning back. We got in our boats and shoved off shore. Now people fell overboard, lost their paddles, and got stuck on rocks, but above everything I was absolutely floored by the creation that surrounded us. I have never seen so much green in my entire life. There were walls of rainforest as far as the eye could see, and waterfalls pouring in from both sides. A couple times during the trip we were able to jump out of the boats and swim, and I would often turn over on my back and just look up. What what I saw was the most incredible exclamation of God's glory I could have ever imagined. I think that kind of beauty is what God must have had in mind even before the creation of the world, and the opportunity to experience that kind of genuine majesty is something that I don't think any of us will ever forget.
We only have one full day left in Costa Rica, and as always on these kinds of trips I'm having mixed emotions about leaving. There's always that fear that the strength I have found in Christ here will slowly disappear as I spend more time away from this environment, but the truth of the matter is that God has changed us through these experiences. He wants to change us, and He died so that we could change, so now it is our job to manifest that change through the way we serve our friends, our families, our community, and even our enemies. Though tomorrow is a free day, I know that our God will continue to work and reveal himself to our team, and we will all return safely home on Tuesday ready to show the world how we have been changed.
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